It has been one month since my aunt died unexpectedly at the age of 50. At the beginning, while I was still overseas, my brain could not stop narrating as it happened. I needed to write and share and process. I figured this would fast-track my grieving process so I could come out triumphant on… Continue reading What I know about grief so far…
The couch is covered with a decade's worth of papers, as we sift through trying to make meaning of it all. Birth certificate. Life insurance. Bank statements. Utility bills. Vacation cancellation policies. Paystubs. Marriage license. Pensions. Cellphone contracts. Drivers licenses. Rent invoices. Passports. Property taxes. Receipts. Immigration papers. Death certificate. It all feels so horribly… Continue reading The bureaucracy of dying.
A million questions run through my head each day; questions that even the almighty Google search can't answer: What do I do with my dead aunt's lingerie? What words can I say to soothe my mother? What urn would my aunt have liked most - the one with the butterflies or the one with the… Continue reading Dear Google…help me!
The four of us cling onto each other, forming the grief squad. Our days fall into a familiar routine: cleaning, sorting, crying, convincing each other to eat, forced evening walks and sporadic (somewhat guilty) laughter, usually when we discover a hidden memory we can share with the rest that we had long forgotten about. We… Continue reading The grief squad.
There is nothing more unsettling than watching my mother fall apart, realizing my own ineptness at comforting her. Every night, I hold her sobbing body in my dead aunt's bed, while we take turns telling stories, desperately hanging onto the memories I already feel slipping away. I only pull up my aunt's voice in my… Continue reading Grief (cont’d).
I wince thinking back to last week, sitting in my solarium, clinking wine glasses with Mr. J, thinking to myself that life has never been this happy or good or fucking easy. Infinite possibilities stretched out before me; a safety net of love and support lay beneath me. I see my aunt's message come through… Continue reading Life interrupted.
I've had a perma smile plastered on my face for the majority of the last 24 hours. But as colleagues' emails began to trickle in as the news leaked that I was quitting to pursue a "personal endeavour," my feelings of unadulterated joy were punctured by brief moments of panic: "You're quitting your job? Wow.… Continue reading Cause my momma said so.
The night before the phone interview, I began to rationalize taking on a new role (a promotion!) at the conglomerate: This would be more money that I could put away and then really take the time to build a business when I'm more financially set! Maybe it isn't corporate life that is so bad, maybe… Continue reading Self-entitlement vs. self-growth.
The week of hell raged on...my inbox groaned and froze frequently due to the constant stream of emails, my caffeine intake tripled and my nails were now non-existent (and my only source of sustenance between meetings). But through it all, a small smile remained on my face, assured and confident that I was ready to… Continue reading The golden opportunity.
As you may already know from previous posts, I work for a large nameless corporate conglomerate, affectionately referred to as the salt mine. The thing about my job is that it's very steady, it pays well and for the most part...it's okay. The problem with "okay" is that it breeds complacency. Things aren't good enough… Continue reading The problem with “okay.”