9. Quitting my job and becoming financially dependent on somebody else
8. The Chucky movies (I successfully hyperlinked that without actually looking at the article – huzzah!)
7. My lack of basic survival skills during the off-chance of a zombie apocalypse
5. The five seconds before a plane’s wheels land on the tarmac
4. Looking into a mirror at night (I blame camp)
3. Pursuing my dreams and failing; conceding with crawling back to corporate cubicle life
2. This scene from Planet Earth (RUN, IGUANA. RUN!)
1. Waking up in 20 years with the dread (or even worse, with the complacence?) of knowing that I am about to commute an hour on the cesspool train to a job I hate in a cubicle that decreases a little more in size and window accessibility each year, making small talk with the same goddamn people by the water cooler each morning: “It’s a cold one today, eh?”...when really we’re all screaming inside our heads for something real, knowing we have all given up on pursuing our dreams – or even some vague semblance of a passion – for the “security” of a corporate job, because we all have families and responsibilities, and heaven forbid that little Johnny doesn’t get the new iPhone this Christmas, what will all the other third graders think? And then after 8 hours of mind-numbing conference calls (Sorry, Nancy. I think you’re on mute? Hello?) and breaking out in hives over projects I won’t remember the names of in three months (much less three years), elbowing my way through the throngs of zombie-like commuters making the escape out of the soul-sucking concrete jungle to board my train (standing room only, folks) to begin the hour-long trek home where I will spend my evenings and weekends accumulating more crap, and upgrading the crap I already have, to somehow justify wasting the last 20 years of my life on this Groundhog Day like existence.