Today marks the one-year anniversary of the night I met Mr. B, subsequently launching me into a transatlantic whirl-wind romance, culminating in the the shell-shock of dealing with the first heartbreak of my life.
I haven’t written for a while for various reasons. Reasons I’ve been mulling over and struggling with over the past few weeks. Extraneous circumstances rendering me unfit and paralyzed to continue transcribing the most intimate details of my life onto the computer screen, and out into the world. Those will be tackled another day; in another mood.
I changed the title of this post many times. Am I being too crass? Am I still the bitter ex-girlfriend who refers to her past flame only in derogatory terms? Perhaps. Definitely. I’ve wondered aloud before, whether getting over someone requires forgiving their actions. I surmised even back then, that perhaps some individuals do not merit forgiveness; that this is not a necessary component in moving on with one’s life. And I am still of the thought that this is true.
Despite all the anger and general ill will that I still harbour for Mr. B, I am also thankful (it took me an extremely long time to get to this conclusion). Bear with me here – hold back your groans – but, up until meeting Mr. B, I had never experienced the feeling of being sure, beyond a doubt, about wanting to be with someone. I took a chance; I fell in love. And now that I know what that feels like, I would prefer being alone to settling.
I don’t know exactly why I am thankful for this – seeing as this now means I may be facing a lifetime of solitary Friday nights at home chugging down boxed wine and forcibly cuddling my chubby cocker spaniel – but the irritatingly eternal optimist in me trusts in the timing of my life.
On a side note, true to my word, I hadn’t lurked Mr. B’s Facebook profile since I publicly denounced any intention of doing so, until a few days ago. Two observations that give me hope:
- I no longer get the “kicked-in-the-stomach” feeling when I see the smug bastard’s face.
- The hairline continues to recede at an alarming rate. And they say there’s no such thing as karma…
Hope all of you, my lovely WordPress family, has been doing well as of late. Looking forward to catching up on everyone’s blogs and beginning to update all of you on my own happenings.
Current Status: obsessing over Downton Abbey / nesting on my couch / cooking lentils which will inevitably turn out mushy and inedible