Word vomit

Finding my “joie de vivre.”


During one of the the last few unsettling long-distance Skype calls with Mr. B, as I stressed about work/friends/family/whatever else was pissing me off on that given day, he asked me if I thought I had lost my joie de vivre. Out of all the conversations we ever had, this one consistently haunts me.

Irrational thought: Mr. B came to visit me after months of anticipation, and realized there was nothing special or exciting about me, consequently leading to dumping my boring ass out of the blue when he could no longer take the thought of waking up beside me for one more morning.

Rational argument: If Mr. B truly loved me, he would have been there through all the phases in my life. He would realize that despite going through a particular rough patch, I will always find my joie de vivre and I am everything but boring.

FYI: The above is a method I’ve learned from David D. Burns’ Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, a really helpful book that introduced me to the concept of cognitive therapy and provided problem solving and coping techniques for negative thinking. Worth the read!

I am taking things day-by-day. My reaction to my promotion was strange, but as the week wore on (and after much discussion with my befuddled friends) I realized I have time to figure things out.

They helped me realize that this promotion is not a prison sentence, it simply provides me with a lot more financial security, which will enable me to more fervently pursue my passions outside of work.

Childish thought/obnoxious moment: Have fun drowning in student loans, asshole.
#likeaboss #baller #yolo

I am always growing; always evolving. Mr. B may have thought I lost my joie de vivre, but I realize now, this is just the beginning for me. I will always ruthlessly pursue a big and full life.

Current Status: gagging on wet dog smell / Netflix binging / conflicted about battling St. Patty’s day bar crowds tonight


11 thoughts on “Finding my “joie de vivre.””

  1. I won’t claim to know what you have gone through, but I did have a bad breakup after a 5 year relationship (a bunch of years ago now). I was SHOCKED at how long it took to get back to my regular happy self. From what you’ve said here, you are on the right road and I expect it won’t take as long for you.

    And hey, thank you for reading my first post. The writing 101 project is a good motivator.


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