“Why Men Love Bitches” and other thoughts.

 

lifequoteparis

As per 2015 Bucket List Item #13 “Read a new book every two weeks from the library,”
I’ve been spending many a night bookworming it up in the comfort of my hermit cave.

Sherry Argov’s Why Men Love Bitches is not technically a new read; it’s been strategically hidden behind a stack of 18th-century novels, away from the scrutinizing eyes of guests perusing my bookshelves and evaluating my literary prowess. (Side note: Mr. B was a total book snob. One more tick in the douchebag column!)

The title is obviously kitchy; which is why I refused to read it for such a long time. To my surprise, I ripped through it in two hours (I am a reading ninja, it’s actually my superpower), and found myself taking notes as I nodded along to many of the simple but poignant principles Argov puts forward in this tongue-in-cheek “relationship self-help” book. She redefines the term “bitch” throughout the book as a woman who simply knows what she wants – Babe In Total Control of Herself. (Okay, this made me groan a bit, but stay with me!)

Disclaimer: I didn’t agree with every concept in this book; I chose to glean the concepts I could apply to my own life and recent situation. I particularly disliked Chapter #4, dedicated to the art of being a “dumb fox,” which made me want to burn my bra in protest.

Here are some “aha” moments I did take away from the book, and will apply moving forward:

1. A bitch does not stop moving to her own rhythm! If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted, you’ll create a void. Then, to replace what you give up, you’ll start to expect and need more from your partner.

2. When you love life with him or without him, that is when he will accept you and value you for who you are. A bitch prioritizes herself over “melting” into someone else.

3. A bitch is not governed by fear of losing a man, because she knows the real price to pay is when she loses herself.

4. The relationship may not be right for you if you find yourself jumping through hoops. When something is right, it will feel easier and much more effortless.

5. Never stop living your life. Take a class. Develop a hobby. Meet people. You are only as interesting as the depths of your own interests.

6. Stop telling yourself, “He is the one. He is different!” every time you meet someone new. Instead, you have to think, “I’m willing to learn more. I’m enjoying myself, but if it doesn’t work, there are other ducks in the pond.”

7. Be an independent thinker at all times, and ignore anyone who attempts to define you in a limiting way. 

Simple concepts? Yes. Of course.

Did I follow them with Mr. B? Absolutely not. I lost my sense of self; I lost my dignity.

Would following these concepts to a tee have changed the outcome of my sad sob story? Probably not. I was unfortunate enough to date an emotionally-immature and manipulative asshole. But if I hadn’t promised my life away and put all my eggs in the “boyfriend basket,” I may have better dealt with the demise of our relationship.

C’est la vie, people. You live, you learn.

Current Status: realizing Mindy Kaling is my spirit animal / eating dinner out of a can / debating finally taking my Christmas tree down

Advertisements

19 thoughts on ““Why Men Love Bitches” and other thoughts.

  1. GirlinAdultland says:

    Love this! Probablyy going to go buy this book now. It’s been in my Amazon cart along with Sheryl Sandberg’s (my spirit animal) Lean In.

    PS. Book snobs are the worst. I’ve got my share of intellectual books on my shelf. They sit right the hell next to my Harry Potter collection.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Finding My Inner Zen says:

      I have convinced so many people to buy this book. I should start demanding royalties!

      I will have to check out Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In. I’ve actually thumbed through it a few times and never committed.

      P.S. Agreed. I unapologetically love Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and the Hunger Games!

      Like

  2. annevivid says:

    We share a super power. I read a massive amount. Secretly, I also read self-help books. Especially, ones I find for 25 cents at the thrift store….That way if they are completely inane I only feel like I wasted my time and not my money too. As with everything- take what is good and leave out the rest….

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dom says:

    Great post!
    The disclaimer was perfect. You take some, you leave some! We should ALWAYS have a critical mind.
    Number 7 I firmly believe in!
    Number 6 is a time sensitive attitude (propably not a good idea to think in that way about a spouse), but totally essential in the begining. Your partner should give you hard evidence that you should think otherwise before you put him on a pedestal.
    Number 5 is why I started blogging.

    You’re a great mind!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Finding My Inner Zen says:

      Thanks, Dom (I’m used to calling you Ace). You’re too kind. “Great” may be stretching it a bit; but I’ll take it!

      I definitely think most of this advice is more pertinent to the beginning of a relationship; would agree that you need to move past #6 once you are committed.

      Agree about #5. I feel like although my blogging started as a way to anonymously bitch and moan, it’s really turned into a passion I enjoy.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. DeeScribes says:

    I believe the only men who really love the women you describe are men who are secure, independent, and strong in their sense of self. They are few and far between. Insecure men will run from strong, self-assured, self-actualized women. That doesn’t mean we should stop trying to develop the qualities you list above – it just means we need to realize our independence will turn away some men who (honestly) don’t deserve us.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Aidan says:

    Great paraphrasing. These type of books aren’t really my cup of tea, particularly when they have chapters on “being a dumb fox,” but the points you listed are great. Simple concepts, yes, but so easily forgotten in their simplicity. We consider them “common sense” and take them for granted, without ever realizing we’ve completely neglected them.

    Reading a new book every two weeks sounds like a good idea. I may have to adopt this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Finding My Inner Zen says:

      Thanks, Aidan.

      I had to skip over the whole “dumb like a fox” chapter, but am glad you enjoyed the more relevant points. I think common sense is oftentimes the easiest to overlook? I feel like it’s the common sense lessons that I have the most “aha” moments about!

      Such simple concepts…

      Yes yes! Do the bi-weekly book read. I’ve been keeping on top of mine and will be sharing more of my good reads!

      Like

  6. jenslearning says:

    Having been single for a long time, I’ve heard it all…a favorite is, “Maybe you should dumb it down a little…” I refuse to change myself in order to hold out for the one that can handle me, but damn…how long is too long? That’s the book I need to find 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s