Realization #3 – There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path.

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When Mr. B arrived, all that was on my mind were the lazy Sunday mornings we would inevitably spend in a quaint European village, in our modest but cozy home with the door I would insist on painting red.

The memories we had not yet made, were the ones that kept me hooked.

In reality, Mr. B raised his eyebrow every time I put ketchup on my eggs (I have a very refined palate, I know) and furrowed his brow at the numbers of times I brush my teeth during the day (how is impeccable oral hygiene annoying?!). These are just two examples out of the countless red flags I painstakingly extracted from my recollection of Mr. B’s commentaries on my everyday habits.

These may seem like inconsequential observations on his part, but they weren’t. His comments were not relayed in a “you’re so goofy and endearing so let’s ride off into the sunset” kind of way. Mr. B made me feel insecure.

I was feeding off the dream. Moving to Europe. Travelling the world. White dresses. Bright-eyed, gap-toothed kids. Matching tombstones. The whole deal. My seemingly monotonous job and existence no longer mattered, because I was hanging on every word.

I let this man swoop into my life, and found myself redefining my existence and future plans. I wholly believed that once we were together, I could finally be happy.

It took me 27 years to figure out that you can’t put your happiness into someone else’s hands. Especially if you have horrible taste in men.

Current Status: cautiously optimistic / jamming to T-Swizzle / finished all Friends seasons (what do I watch now?! Suggestions welcome!)

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39 thoughts on “Realization #3 – There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path.

  1. Bryan J. Thomas says:

    Amazing Hi, I am a blogger from BT.X You follow us 15 days ago. I want to know what did you like in our blog? Do you want us to add more things like that? What would you like to improve in our blog?

    Like

  2. prinkatwong3rd says:

    I love this post! It’s so insightful how u said u were hooked by memories not yet made! I think that’s a dangerous yet common thing most people do…fall in love with the idea of someone in their head. Can’t wait to read about ur year of self! Does that mean no dating tho?

    Like

    • Finding My Inner Zen says:

      Thanks! I’ve spoken with many friends throughout this experience, and it seems many people follow this pattern of falling for the idea of someone! Especially people like me who tend to think ten steps ahead and compulsively plan every area of their lives!

      Just posted a new post RE: Year of Self. Haven’t quite dived into the dating part yet (saving that for its own post), but I definitely won’t be actively pursuing any relationships.

      Like

  3. Nellechan says:

    I saw your post with Farr. I think that’s a great challenge to follow and I am thinking of it myself. It is so weird how we can go through life and keep putting others in front of self until something shocking happens and we start to analyse our situation.

    I wish you all success and will keep reading.

    Like

    • Finding My Inner Zen says:

      Glad you enjoyed. Farr is such a heartbreak hero. I still love watching her video.

      It is definitely weird. This whole experience has been INCREDIBLY weird. But I’ve realized that these painful times of our lives are really the opportune times where we are so raw that we are able to step back and analyze. I’m really starting to look forward to 2015 and using this as a catalyst for all the things I have planned.

      Thanks for reading, and looking forward to hearing about whether or not you follow your own challenge! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  4. GirlinAdultland says:

    This is a great article and I could relate to it so much. Part of the reason I started my blog was to start dedicating more to myself. I know what it’s like to lose yourself in a relationship and sometimes it can take a lot of courage and effort to pull yourself out of that mindset and focus on your independence and self development.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Finding My Inner Zen says:

    Thanks, girl. Glad you could relate to it. Since starting this blog I’ve been amazed about how many people have gone through similar experiences. In the depths of it, you really feel like nobody else could possibly feel the depth of pain you’re feeling!

    Appreciate you taking the time to read and your kind words! πŸ™‚

    Like

  6. KaymBee says:

    Love this. I came to this realization just this year.

    Fave quote: It took me 27 years to figure out that you can’t put your happiness into someone else’s hands. Especially if you have horrible taste in men.

    Like

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