Word vomit

Breakup realization: The tale of the grey socks.

“And suddenly you know. It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”

Last night I ventured back to my empty condo to pick up a few things so I can continue hiding out at my parents’ house for one more day. I dreaded this visit. Though Mr. B was not a full-time occupant of my humble abode, I had severe anxiety about finding traces of him poisoning my once peaceful sanctuary.

I unlocked the door and tentatively stepped in; breathing out a sigh of relief. It still felt like my home. It still brought me comfort to breathe in the old familiar smell.

I zipped around packing up the items I needed, when I came across a pile of laundry I had left on the dining room table (Note to future self: Invest in laundry basket). As I sifted through, I realized in horror that Mr. B’s clean socks were staring back at me. I suddenly remembered that I had offered to do Mr. B’s laundry during his stay.

I furiously picked out the offending items and shoved them off the table onto the floor:

image(13)They landed in a “B” (TELL ME YOU SEE IT?!). Even Mr. B’s goddamn socks were obnoxious. I slumped down in the chair and began sobbing for the billionth time.

Then a funny thing happened. I realized all of Mr. B’s socks were grey. My sobs slowly turned to laughter. Loud laughter. Uncontrollable laughter interrupted only by sporadic snorts. (Get in line, boys! This classy girl is single now.)

Why did the sight of the greys socks make me laugh, you ask? In the months leading up to our demise, Mr. B had started frequently commenting and complaining that I wear too much black and grey (they compliment my skin tone, dammit!). What started off as something Mr. B considered a cute quirk when we first met, slowly became something he was annoyed by:

Why do you always wear black yoga pants? Why don’t you try wearing a red dress? Are all your sweaters grey?

What I didn’t realize at the time was that these comments signified the beginning of a shift in Mr. B’s attitude and feelings towards me. It was the beginning of the end. I was no longer a bright and shiny new conquest; he knew he had me. He was bored.

What Mr. B didn’t appreciate  or care to notice  about me, is that I always wear brightly coloured socks. Hello Kitty socks. Polka dotted socks. Neon socks. Argyle socks. And they never match (ain’t nobody got time for that!).

Mr. B had his head too far up his own ass to love my colourfully adorned feet.

I want someone in my life who loves me for my monotone wardrobe; not despite it. Someone who takes the time to appreciate my ever-growing, mismatched sock collection.

This may be a far stretch for some as an “a-ha” moment. This may not even make sense to some of you. But realizing that underneath it all, Mr. B was just another guy wearing boring grey socks, marked the official turning point of my journey.

Current Status: eggs in my belly / cautiously optimistic / spooning my dog


19 thoughts on “Breakup realization: The tale of the grey socks.”

  1. Wow I love this. I can feel your pain. When I went home after 3 months in treatment, I went back to my house to find all of my belongings packed in the garage. He had redone are room and it looked like I had never lived there. My heart goes out to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Aw! Read an article I posted on my page called “The new side chick ” I found it very enlightening and I hope it will help you heal! At least you’ll see you’re not alone. Let me know what you think.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jan/09/broken-hearted-wallowing-relationship

    I thought of you today 🙂

    And totally unrelated: Isn’t it great to be alive? To meet someone, the contemplation & headrush. Then.. even the heartbreak. Made us start blogs, write things. So many emotions, self-reflection (ok mostly painful) but it’s a way of your soul trying to reach out to the world. Imagine being a sadsack in boring grey socks: From what I gather, he was all words and electronic communication with no depth whatsoever.

    I used to beat myself up over why I lost “what I had” . Only today I accepted the truth that I never had “what I had”. I was infatuated with the circumstances (TR girl living in UK meets TW guy living in CAN who travels to SOUTH KR to be with her and the girl to CAN all happening within 3 months) . The circumstances made me fall for the guy, not the guy himself. I bet your story isn’t far behind either. Distance, words, travelling can hype thngs up. Believe me, this will be the easiest recovery of your life. Technically, we dodged the bullet. Imagine ending up “here” after mortgages, kids etc. Ain’t nobody got time for that, girlfriend!

    Just stay strong which you already are 🙂


    1. OMG. Amazing. I love how you thought of me. I also wish I was the one to come up with this line: ” Moaning about how your boyfriend did you wrong to your best friend while you consume the weight of your sadness in processed cheese might actually be just the ticket.”

      I get what you mean about being alive. The moments where I pull my head out of my sad, bitter existence, I do have moments where I appreciate the inspiration this provided me with to write and connect with so many amazing people. Creating something positive out of such a painful time of my life has been a saving grace and something I want to hold onto and grow.

      Ah yes, to your second point. This is actually a theme to an upcoming blog post I’ve been composing in my brain. If it didn’t stick, you never had it. Nothing you could have done could have changed the outcome. When someone loves you unconditionally, they will make it last. When you say TR, is that Toronto?

      I love that: “The circumstances made me fall for the guy.” YES! You feel like a goddamn Disney princess being swept off your feet. Like you finally understand that instant spark people only have in rom coms.

      We did dodge the bullet. Our paths crossed with two long-distance douchebags who could not, and were not ready to, face that a real relationship isn’t all sunshine and butterflies. A real man does not make those promises without meaning them, without being sure. These are the kinds of men that chase that brand new and sparkly feeling of romance. You cannot build a relationship on that.

      Thank you for your continued support. I saw your comment at a particularly rough patch during my day, and it really turned things around for me. 🙂

      Hang in there. We got this, girl.


  4. You are right; it’s not the colour of the dress but the colour of the heart that matters. Things that are not destined for you are bound to end. I wish you get nothing but the best. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Grey socks… Why do these men try to act like they’re sooo much better or self aware than we are? Damn jerks. At the end they’re just grey sock wearers. Basic ass men.
    It’s interesting how the brain works. It’ll give you little reflections and new realizations during the mourning process. Then one day it clicks. I can’t wait til that day… Same for you.


  6. I read through your latest posts every 3rd day and can see your little emotional cha cha (1 step ahead, 3 behind). Every night i say a little prayer/thankyou to the universe (i’m not really religious as such) so i asked it to show you how to rest and heal. I hope it’s heard me.


    1. Thank you for the continued support. It’s surreal to have strangers kind enough to be my cheerleaders throughout this experience, and it has been such a comfort to me.

      I think your prayer/thank you may have worked, as I’ve had an exciting and productive few days. Stay tuned!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. When I started dating my boyfriend he proclaimed he’d always wanted cowboy boots but he’d never been “allowed” them. I subscribe to an interesting “fashion” philosophy of whatever looks/feels good will work so I generally look like a rainbow vomited on me. When he told me he wanted cowboy boots I knew I’d found someone who didn’t mind being seen with rainbow vomit 😛


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