Heartbreak chronicles: Throw his shit out.

“Your ex-lover is dead.”
– Stars

As I lay on my bathroom floor the day Mr. B decided to sucker punch me in the heart waiting for him to pack up his shit and slink away without so much as even a knock on the door to check on me I grasped my iPhone and sent a manic text to my friend Ms. J. Once we had established that the douchebag had left the premises, she arrived with a bottle of wine (my friends know me well) and her puppy, Gus, in tow.

During those initial hours, I was in shock. I cried. I drank a glass (or four) of wine. I watched her eyes widen as I replayed the last days’ events for her. She shook her head. She insulted him at all the appropriate points of my stories. She did everything a good friend does for you when your whole world gets pulled out from under you.

Now, I have never played the role of the overly sentimental girlfriend. I have had the appropriate amount of long-term relationships expected from a well-adjusted 20-something-year old, but this was the first time I let myself free fall. I made him care packages. Sent him funny cards. My favourite books. Love letters. Pictures. Random thoughts and scribbles.

I believed with every fiber of my being that this man would lovingly spoon feed me grape Jell-O when all that was left of me was a mass of wrinkles, and I smelled faintly of mothballs and gin.

I made a box of memories. I stored everything Mr. B sent me, down to the wedding invitation from the night we met, thinking this would be something to share with our grandchildren (I gagged a bit writing this part). That very night, Ms. J and I took everything including the shitty perfume and box of airport chocolates he so thoughtfully gifted me with for Christmas  and dumped it down the garbage chute. My chest untightened a little, as I heard it clatter down the 30-story journey to its final destination the dumpster.

Today, looking through my phone for a friend’s number, I came upon an text from Mr. B from an old number of his I had forgotten about. As I scanned the words unknowingly, the sickeningly sweet sentiments on the screen threw me into another fit of rage, followed by an hour of sobbing. I promptly deleted the text.

When there is no hope of reconciliation, in my humble opinion, the best thing you can do is just throw the memories out.

Current Status: being spoon fed oatmeal / running out of Friends episodes / destroying my parents’ internet bandwidth

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40 thoughts on “Heartbreak chronicles: Throw his shit out.

  1. Through the Looking Glass says:

    Atleast you didn’t pollute a perfectly beautiful river by throwing angrily/letting go torn pieces of letters, notes and cards rather dramatically while weeping and hoping to God that no random stranger checked you. Aren’t dustbins a little mainstream?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. breakup2bombshell says:

    Mannnnn this one hit home! When I broke up w/ my Mr. B, which I talk about in my blog, I felt a weight lifted off my chest…one I hadn’t ever noticed. It was such a crazy thing to think I had been weighted down for so long, trying to be who I thought I needed to be for him. Best thing I ever did was throw him and the stuff he got out the door! Great post!

    Like

    • Finding My Inner Zen says:

      Thanks for the comment! I really love hearing about other people’s experiences and know that this is something that most people will go through at some point in their lives. I am happy to hear that this ended up being a positive experience in your life! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. prinkatwong3rd says:

    Free fall is the hardest…I still have trouble loving without fear. But in my opinion letting yourself love openly regardless of the consequences is an amazing high. Something that people like Mr. B will never get to experience…

    Like

    • Finding My Inner Zen says:

      I know it sounds bitter ‒ probably because I am hella bitter ‒but I really would like to think that he will never experience it…

      I think I have a long way to go before I enter the forgiveness stage and let this go.

      Like

  4. delildel says:

    I love the quote about Jell-o, mothballs and gin too! nicely written. I thihnk that throwing everything away and taking your mind off him is the best thing to do because your thoughts and time are better spent not on him

    Liked by 2 people

  5. db says:

    I think a purge is always great after a breakup..what do you do though when you don’t have much physically to purge but memories and experiences? That was my issue with the one guy who broke my heart.

    Like

  6. ramblinrandol says:

    I just caught up on your heartbreak and I’m sorry you’re going through this because of a douche. Kudos to you for throwing it all out there, you too have a beautiful soul. I hope writing about it helps, you write about it so eloquently.

    If I’ve learned anything ( which is questionable ) you have to get your heart broken, badly, at least once!

    Like

  7. Jennifer Knowlton says:

    Been there before! I was getting so upset when I reading this lol I was thinking Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! It was like bad memories flooding back, glad you got rid of everything! No jello is worth all that mess, grape or not! lol

    Like

  8. karma29 says:

    I’m loving all of your posts SO much! I recently went though a very similar experience, and I can tell you for a fact that it will absolutely get easier everyday! Deleting every trace of my ex, and throwing away all the movie tickets, letter, and any other garbage I had saved was extremely therapeutic.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us 🙂

    Like

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