Word vomit

Texting Post-Breakup: To do or not to do?

Confession time: I actually texted Mr. B after we broke up. There may have also been a scathing e-mail. Read on before you shake your head. And then feel free to shake your head at the end if you still feel the same way!

Rewind: After I insisted on Mr. B telling me he didn’t feel the same way about me anymore (click here for refresher), I had approximately 30 seconds of complete calm. I even initially offered him my place to stay for the duration of his trip. I then leaned over behind my Christmas tree to unplug my laptop, and struggled with jiggling it out of the outlet. This small act of frustration threw me into a rage, and I whipped around sending ornaments flying across the laminate floor. I told him to leave (there may have been an interlaced profanity or two), and then ran to the washroom and threw myself on the floor in a melodramatic heap.

Once I was sure he had left and I cautiously peeled myself off the floor, I realized he had left me a note:

“I’m sorry. I hope it didn’t hurt too much.”

Suddenly Mr. B, the former love-letter wordsmith, couldn’t even come up with a decent goodbye.

So alas, I texted. I told him he had treated me like garbage. That I had never felt so disgusted in my life. He had nothing new to say, but was kind enough to let me know that he had checked into a hostel and was “taking it easy” and “knows that I will have an awesome life without him playing a role in it.” Thanks, Mr. B. Not only are you a giant asshole, you are now a giant condescending asshole. But thanks for clarifying.

Today: Ever since starting this blog, I’ve been unconsciously composing a letter to Mr. B in my head. I woke up at 3 a.m. this morning and reached for my laptop as it all came spilling out of my fingertips. It was raw and honest. Scathing at times. Emotional but composed. I ended it by telling him that if he bothered to write back, I wouldn’t read it. I blocked all his e-mails, numbers and social media accounts, just as a safeguard. Giant condescending assholes tend to want to get the last word in.

I then sat back, and realized that I genuinely didn’t want a response. That I would not have blocked him from contacting me if some small part of me wanted to see his reaction. I didn’t send this e-mail to elicit a response; I did it for myself.

Mr. B will never understand what he did to me, nor would it change how I feel if he did. I have no hope of reconciliation. I have no intention of “getting back at him” or “back with him.” And that in itself, was a small step forward today.

Current Status: finally washed my hair / feeling a titch less bat-shit crazy / hoping you are no longer shaking your head


16 thoughts on “Texting Post-Breakup: To do or not to do?”

  1. It doesn’t matter how they let you go but how gracefully you let go. That’s what you should try to stick to, once you’ve attained closure for yourself. 🙂


    1. Well, this is the first day I haven’t completely destroyed a box of Kleenex. I think blocking all his accounts gave me a little sense of power. I wouldn’t even know if he responded back, so the anxiety has somewhat lifted off my stomach.


  2. One of the greatest part of life is to know when to hold things and when to let go. It must be hard on your part, but I’m sure you’ll come out of it.


    1. Thanks, Sunil. I could probably take some pointers from Mr. B on letting things go easily… (that was an attempt at humour, ha-ha).

      But yes, I agree. You are a wise man. I think once I actually let go of the anger and resentment, things will slowly get better.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. woah…just…woah

    “I have no intention of “getting back at him” or “back with him.” And that in itself, was a small step forward today.”

    Come on. Give yourself a little bit more credit. It isn’t just a small step forward. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Okay okay. I will give myself a teeny, tiny pat on the back.

      It really did lift some of the anxiety and dread. As long as I had him on Facebook, I was the crazy ex compulsively checking every two seconds to see if there had been an update. Now I know I will just never check again; never see him again. (The beauty of long distance?)

      Thanks for taking the time to comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I can completely understand why you sent the email, he just walked out on you and left you with the fractured pieces, things must have been left unsaid.

    I’m not shaking my head, I’m applauding you for taking the upper-hand by blocking him afterwards, you know if he replied that it would always be hard to not respond back – as I understand, they usually make bold and wild statements that you just *have* to correct! 😉


    1. I originally never planned on sending him anything. I was going to be strong and silent, and thought that would be the more effective road.

      But then I realized that Mr. B is so goddamn full of himself, that he would just be like, “Oh cool, she’s good.” He actually suggested in one of his texts that he hoped we could one day talk again. As if we were going to go grab some pints of beer together one day.

      I stand by my decision to block him and am really happy I did so; I have not had one moment thus far where I’ve felt tempted to unblock him.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. What i did (the 3 times my ex & i broke up) was write him a letter in my journal. Full on hand written, never taken out or sent. It was my way of venting without driving my friends nuts. And i did text him after the first time which couldve been a mistake. But he was my friend first so it was harder.
    We still message each other a few times (once or twice a year–usually on his terms if hes single. He has a very distinct & stupid pattern). But i wont let him talk to me for hours anymore. I learned that crap this past summer!
    Your on the right track girl, keep it up!
    And out of sight, out of mind is how i keep sane as well.


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