Post-Breakup Day 5 – The Highs and Lows of a Broken Heart

“If you are going through hell, keep going.”
– Winston Churchill

What makes me most anxious about this whole experience, is how just when you think you’re feeling better, something jogs your memory and it suddenly feels like you are being repeatedly kicked in the stomach.

I woke up today feeling suspiciously less morose. Is this new-found sense of shaky normality I’m feeling this morning just a bit of a high, before I plummet down and splatter back down onto the ground? Hm.

Over the past few days I have had many, many lows. But I have also realized there have been short moments where I forget I’m in pain, such as this morning, and I cling onto those as long as I can. So, dear readers, here are my current highs and lows of my ride through hell:

High: My mother pointing out that Mr. B actually has a receding hairline at the ripe old age of 26. I realized that *gasp* I had noticed this as I tenderly ran my fingers through his hair for the last time. Now, before all the gents with thinning hairlines take offense to this, I really would not have cared. I would have loved a balding Mr. B with all I had. But because Mr. B turned out to be a major douchebag, I wish the wrath of premature baldness upon his head. (And perhaps another “premature” ailment that affects the male population while I’m cursing him…)

Low: Finding myself standing in the Self-Help section of Chapters Indigo, clutching an armful of Chicken Soup for the Soul books when approached by an alarmingly chipper employee asking me if I need any assistance, to which I snarl at her, burst out into tears, and run out of the store.

Does anyone remember a particularly embarrassing low during a bad breakup? Share your pain; make me smile, dammit!

Current Status: slightly holding it together / still watching Friends reruns / no appetite

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28 thoughts on “Post-Breakup Day 5 – The Highs and Lows of a Broken Heart

  1. db says:

    I started dating this guy whose family was close with mine who moved to Florida years prior. We were flirting and decided we give the dating thing a shot. Just so happens that same year, my friends and I were going to Orlando for spring break so we decided we’d hang out a bit. The day he was to come over, my friends went to Universal Studios, which I REALLY wanted to go to, but figured I’d wait at the hotel for him to arrive. Not only was he late, but he got dropped off by a friend and came walking to the front of the hotel rolling a suitcase behind him. UM. We were only supposed to be hanging out for a bit, but apparently he packed enough stuff to stay for the whole week. Every intention I had to meet my friends at the park were dashed. And when they all came back from Universal Studios, they were all staring at him like “Why the eff is he here nosing in on our trip?” We broke up the next day. xD

    Liked by 1 person

  2. DeeScribes says:

    10 years ago life was amazing. New job and a boyfriend of almost 5 years. I thought we were going to be married. He decided he’d rather not be with me. We broke up. Found out six months later he was dating my new boss, who was still married. I had to deal with him professionally for the next 2 years at that job. I don’t think I really moved on until I left that job. There will be daily reminders but you will get through this.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Finding My Inner Zen says:

      Oh my. The thought of going back work at some point this week and announcing to people that my previously-proclaimed dream guy gave me the boot over the holidays is enough to give me anxiety. Cannot fathom having him lurk around in the shadows of my workplace for the next two years..

      You are an incredibly resilient person, and I hope I can start channeling some of that grace! 🙂

      Like

  3. Jason says:

    I know your friends have told you… you are are better off without him, he is a jerk, he is this and he is that. I know that it hurts, I know that it is painful, and I do know that the pain with pass in time. Is this your first heart break? They are never easy but love is love and it takes two people to be in a relationship do you want to be in one where the man does not love you back? Be good my friend. Hugs.

    Like

    • Finding My Inner Zen says:

      Thanks for the kind words, Jason. Yes, it is my first heartbreak. I have always been the one to end relationships.

      Your comment has actually inspired me to write a blog post about this realization down the line. Besides all the pain that is coming from the shock and genuinely being in love with this imaginary person who then turned into Mr. B the douchebag, it seems I am also very ill equipped when it comes to rejection.

      I agree. It does take two people. The more I sift through this mess, the more I realize this could have never been the person to make me happy in the long term.

      Thanks, friend. Hugs back!

      Like

  4. itsdollydarling says:

    Oh hun, I broke up with my boyfriend last April and we had been on and off for the last five years. But his caliber of douchebaggery was bewildering. My embarrassing low? Going to his mom to talk about it, wherein she told me I deserved much better than her son, and she wouldn’t wait for him if she were in my shoes. To which I bawled even more, proceeded to feel bad for him, and stupidly told him of this escapade. Only to have him deny the truth of this and call me a crazy vindictive self-affirming lunatic that feeds off putting others down. So yeah….that backfired, horribly. Hope my low will bring you some laughter and a small little healthy high!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. ordinary life of an ordinary wife says:

    Out of the hundreds of blogs I’ve read in the past 48 hrs yours is my favorite! I say that with the utmost respect. Channel that emotion the hate the anger the love the disappointment, the whole experience
    . Share it with the passion that you obviously feel and need to express!! I was taught by my therapist 15 years ago after a breakup after a ten year relationship I was in ended that my outlet is writing. and I can tell we are the same.
    I felt every word you wrote You brought me right back to feeling every bit of anxiety, heartache, and struggle that I experienced. Kudos for being able to express so precisely. When a singer sings you want to feel the emotion. Same goes for a writer. You love, have a gift and incredible potential.
    I can tell you I am fine, happy and very well adjusted you will be too!
    Purging through your words let it all out and move on. Know that it’s all written down if you ever want to revisit the pain. But once its down on paper you lock it in a drawer and let it go out of your mind. much love to you and thank you, you are not alone in this.

    Like

    • Finding My Inner Zen says:

      Oh, wow. That is such a huge compliment to have someone: a) take the time to even read the crazy, scorned rantings on my blog, b) reach out to let me know that they’ve enjoyed it and c) leave me with their own experiences and pearls of wisdom.

      I have not been able to write for years; everything came out sounding like I was trying too hard. “Purging through your words” is such a great way of describing it. Every time I write a new post, I feel some of my sadness and anger dissipating. I want this blog to eventually be something so much bigger than just a rolling diatribe against Mr. B. As I’m working through this process, there’s a little flutter of optimism that this horrible experience may lead me to much bigger things than I could have accomplished as Mr. B’s main squeeze.

      Thank you so very much for the kind words, encouragement and sharing your own story with me. Although technically strangers, you have really made a difference in this weeping, crazy girl’s day.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. hortonhealsherself says:

    I stood behind a pillar in church, sobbing so hard I couldn’t move, as all the congregants streamed out. My poor, helpless brother just stood beside me until the church was empty and I could dash home. I was 62 years old.

    Like

  7. terriblepokerface says:

    When I was in college I had been dating C and was friends with most of the guys in his fraternity before I had ever started seeing him. Shortly after C and I stopped seeing each other, one of the kind of dorky but incredibly nice guys from the fraternity asked me last minute to be his date, and I agreed. The theme was nurses and doctors or something like that, so I rushed to Wal-Mart to pick up scrubs with my best friend. It was finals week so obviously I was God knows how many days past washing my hair, broken out from all the stress without a stitch of makeup on, bra less and stained sweatpants when I run into C in the same section looking for scrubs. He casually mentions that he’s taking this gorgeous girl from my sorority, and I was trying to crawl out of my own skin. I couldn’t even form words. Literally he asked me what I was doing and the sounds that came out were not actual words. My best friend tried to jump in but there was no saving me. He started at me like he thought I was having a stroke.

    God, I WISH that was the worst part.

    I then walk about 30 feet away before throwing myself on the ground in a full blown, sleep deprived, heartbroken tantrum, silently thrashing while my best friend keeps saying “get up, get UP, GET UP.” I didn’t care that I was embarrassing her in front the stupid strangers at Wal-Mart.

    Turns out she didn’t care about the strangers either. The partition between me and C was wide open and he was just standing there watching me have a total melt down.

    I survived. You’ll survive Mr. B. I am really happy to know that he’s balding though. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Finding My Inner Zen says:

      This actually made me laugh fucking out loud. Not in a mean way, but in an “I-could-totally-see-myself-going-cray-cray-on-the-Wal-mart-floor-in-this-situation” kind of way.

      I hope C is in the prematurely balding 20-something year old club, as well.

      Liked by 1 person

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